18th april 2009, post-euphoria mood

-during my 15 years of life, the one thing i treasure amongst all else, are my memories.
thoughts, daydreams, and flashes of what ought and ought not to be.
and if there's one thing i dont want to do, it's to surrender any one, any single one, of my memories.
happy, sad, miserable, angry, joyful, good, bad, and those particular ones that set my heart on fire.
they're all part of who i am, and i'm loathe to forget them.
but, memories, like the word, it's all in the past.

yet. i refuse to shape a new person from myself.
all i do know is...





remembering is like a dagger in your flesh
letting it go hurts, but you'll get over the pain eventually.
but leave it in, and it'll pain you for as long as you keep it in.
have i learnt to let go?





went to extra physics just now, and then went over to anthony's house for his birthday party.
got very PO'D by a certain someone
no idea if you're gonna read this.
but can you at least spare a thought for how others will feel?
i mean like,
'i used to be good at this!'
'who care you?'
i had to dig down deep for my last scrap of patience not to walk over and punch your face.
asshole.
it's not funny k. it's insulting.
now i remember why i hated you so much all those years back.

anyw, today's party was pretty hectic.
about 15 people turned up, but all were guys ._.
totally no kick, nobody interesting to look at.
this sentence alone would have drawn more boos from that guailankia,
'you want to look at people, but people dont want look at you. maibin.'

i've no mood to post up the pictures now.
i'll just do them all at one shot next time.

&can you guys please, leave me alone for once?
i mean this in a 'let me think through stuff' way, not 'get lost'
like, there's a reason why i'm so sian-ed.
&pardon me if i don't confide in anybody.

i used to enjoy company.
now all i want to do is to live in isolation from the rest of the world.
life's lost all joy for me.

i'm totally not myself today.
i'm going to sleep.

17th april 2009 ***

lol, xiaopang cute sia
idk why the quality was so bad, i have a 5mpx phone ._.
FYI, the words up top say

-No longer a gay. Woohoo!

its my birthday today!
haha, firstly, i want go give a really really big thank you for all those who msged me at midnight ytd
i was doing my homework and my phone kept vibrating over and over again
then in the end, i picked it up and realised LOL.
its 17th already!
this means i'll be studying hard for the rest of my 15th year on earth, cause i was doing work whilst i grew old
(kay that was lame)

anyway,..
reached school on time, in high spirits, then saw derrick squashing a butterfly and my happiness dropped down a few notches
what do they have against butterflies?
and they act like its normal to 'just smash its wings'
so its okay to break all your limbs? i dont think so.
huh. i'll not spend my time ranting bout' this.
&again, happy birthday to axel when he arrived,
presents will be alongside with my 'thankyou^3' list below. LOL
nothing much fr the rest of the day
had shuttle run, and i thought i was fast with 9.5s
weilun and seeyee smashed that record with 9.3! D:
aiya, nevermind. still got 2.4km
after school, went over to T1 to get anthony's birthday present
pathetic right?
my birthday still go out get other people present.
-.-
goes to show how many true friends i have.
'who cares enough to bother?'
not many.
so uh, i think i'll go back there to get my own stuff when i have th time
maybe with tianshen?

ahaha, here's my TQ list.


THANK YOU,

-LOUIS, AXEL, JIGHENG & BRENNA for msging me a happy b'day last night :D

-AXEL for the green shirt! :D
hope you like what i & jj got you (:
&dnt worry 'bout the size, it fits! you've got good taste

-BRENNA & JASNYN for the black shirt! :D
i really like it, even more since zhenghao told me that shirt 'very xingan'
LOL!

-to uh... all my other friends who gave me... um, a HUG for a present?
thats good enough for me (:

-BRENNA and WEITING for the letters!
-aww, ily too, 公主 (: can't say the same for 3o5 though. LOL.
-how was i during this period you knew me? cfm is say i very 'sian, nicholas in my class' right? LOL!

hope i can get my computer back soon. i miss my games ):
going to anthony's birthday party tomorrow, hope he gets something for ME as well ._.
then again, maybe its too much to wish for
haha! kay, gng off now

sayonara! :D

16th april 2009, big day tomorrow!

friends bother enough to care
real friends care enough to bother.

&for that one, poisoned, moment,
i didn't know if i wanted to hold your gaze, or look away


i know i've been very sian-ed these days. i don't know why.
something's eating me.
i can't stop worrying about... something?
i need to get some serious Zs


woohoo, its been one year.
one whole freaking year.
but now, its gna be my birthday again in 20 hours.
and yeah, i've said this before,
i don't need presents. i want people.
its speech day tomorrow, too.
guess my big day is gna have me spending my time at home swatting flies.

ah well.
gna go get anthony's present tomorrow, along with everyone else
(and i can bet you, they'll never get anything for me. jerks.)
i know what i want to get him very clearly, but they seem bent on getting him something else
lol. you probably know what i want to get him, eh?

this morning met tianshen and leon at th bus stop
chat awhile, then they got off at their stop, and i went over to eastview
almost late
mr yeong shouted at us for 15mins during maths, then had us all do th homework
i can't grasp the equations and all that.
i'm gonna be forced to drop a math at the end of this year.
haven't finished my tuition homework, too.
i'll rush through it on saturday. lazy do during my birthday.
no pictures yet, sorry. but if you're willing to wait, tag me with a ':D' so i know you're reading this.
i get nervous when nobody tags.
i know this long post will leave you bored. sorry!

what type of peron are you?

if...
your friends' friends are your friends,
you're sociable

your friends' friends are your enemies
you're selfish

your friends' enemies are your friends,
you're a backstabber

your friends' enemies are your enemies,
you're caring

your enemy's enemies are your enemies,
you're complicated

your enemy's enemies are your friends,
you're a coward

your enemy's friends are your friends,
you're unstable

AND IF,
your enemy's friends are your enemies,
you're doomed


found this on some random website. doesn't make it less boring though.

and there was some interesting stuff in tianshen's phone
like,
'don't say you love me, unless you mean it,
cause i'll do something crazy,
like believe it'

and,
'I'M
unreliable
disorganised
inefficient
unmotivated
& immature
but i'm fun!'

and fyi, its NOT RA.
i know what some people will think the instant i mention 'interesting stuff'.

oh so sorry! i frgot to post about my day today.
woke up at 6, only 5 freaking hours of sleep after burning the midnight oil for my maths work ytd
logarithms, logarithms and more logarithms

at school, nothing interesting, only that kokyong, amirul & seeyee got water blasted
LOL! they sleeping ma.
and i'm VERY grateful to ms ang for letting us do our maths work and postponing th test.
thankyou!
aft school had to hand in th maths stuff to mr yeong, got detained for about 2 hours
then made my way over to 497 myself to find th o6 guys.
warmup awhile then me & junhao played against 2 bengs'.
we won first match then lost second.
went home with my shirt totally drenched,
and if there is a god, DONT let me get sick tomorrow D:

and let me go back in time to that glorious moment.
k, takecare.

HEY EVERYBODY! put this number in your handphone:
82005101
and msg 'you rock' over to it
you'll brighten up my day! LOL.
k fine. i've lost all my contacts. send me your number if you're reading this.