18th april 2009, post-euphoria mood

-during my 15 years of life, the one thing i treasure amongst all else, are my memories.
thoughts, daydreams, and flashes of what ought and ought not to be.
and if there's one thing i dont want to do, it's to surrender any one, any single one, of my memories.
happy, sad, miserable, angry, joyful, good, bad, and those particular ones that set my heart on fire.
they're all part of who i am, and i'm loathe to forget them.
but, memories, like the word, it's all in the past.

yet. i refuse to shape a new person from myself.
all i do know is...





remembering is like a dagger in your flesh
letting it go hurts, but you'll get over the pain eventually.
but leave it in, and it'll pain you for as long as you keep it in.
have i learnt to let go?





went to extra physics just now, and then went over to anthony's house for his birthday party.
got very PO'D by a certain someone
no idea if you're gonna read this.
but can you at least spare a thought for how others will feel?
i mean like,
'i used to be good at this!'
'who care you?'
i had to dig down deep for my last scrap of patience not to walk over and punch your face.
asshole.
it's not funny k. it's insulting.
now i remember why i hated you so much all those years back.

anyw, today's party was pretty hectic.
about 15 people turned up, but all were guys ._.
totally no kick, nobody interesting to look at.
this sentence alone would have drawn more boos from that guailankia,
'you want to look at people, but people dont want look at you. maibin.'

i've no mood to post up the pictures now.
i'll just do them all at one shot next time.

&can you guys please, leave me alone for once?
i mean this in a 'let me think through stuff' way, not 'get lost'
like, there's a reason why i'm so sian-ed.
&pardon me if i don't confide in anybody.

i used to enjoy company.
now all i want to do is to live in isolation from the rest of the world.
life's lost all joy for me.

i'm totally not myself today.
i'm going to sleep.